My Final Dream of 2024

On January 31, 2024, I woke up at 7:15am and decided to go back to sleep. In the next two hours, I had a vivid dream.

In the dream, I was at an event for my representative (and war criminal) Jennifer McClellan.

[context note: In 2024, I called her hundreds of times, emailed her daily, sent her dozens of postcards and commented on every social media post she had. I begged her not to send Israel more money. I attended a zoom call with her and dozens of other constituents in which she denied the genocide of Palestinians and refused to stop funding Israel’s war crimes. She still voted to send billions of dollars to Israel so they can continue to massacre Palestinians.]

In the dream, I went up to every person at her event, including her, and yelled at them, OUR GOVERNMENT IS COMMITTING GENOCIDE. Like many dreams I’ve had before, I struggled to speak. Each word was pulled through molasses. It required my immense effort to get the words to come out.

I ran up to each person saying OUR GOVERNMENT IS COMMITTING GENOCIDE. OUR GOVERNMENT IS COMMITTING GENOCIDE. OUR GOVERNMENT IS COMMITTING GENOCIDE.

And each person ignored me. Desperation seeped from my being. I wanted to be heard. I wanted the meaning of my words to be heard. I was committed to speaking, even though delivering each word was a battle requiring my life force.

When I woke up, the raw grief I’ve danced with all year was right at the surface. My eyes welled in bed as I breathed through the waves. This was a year of genocide. I’ve seen more dead children than I ever thought possible. I’ve seen a dead human face, flattened by an Israeli bulldozer. Dozens of Palestinian men stripped, blindfolded and kidnapped by Israeli soldiers. I’ve seen Israeli soldiers raping a man. I’ve seen decomposing bodies being eaten by cats and dogs. I’ve seen children gathering the body parts of their loved ones in garbage bags. I’ve seen headless bodies, burning corpses, shredded limbs. Every day, I’ve mourned another massacre. The reality for Palestinians is far worse than the images and videos that have made it to me.

I’ve seen my community members, people I previously felt close to, go on with their lives seemingly unaffected by the catastrophic suffering our tax dollars, politicians, and ruling class are causing. I’ve questioned how to keep living in the midst of a society so willing to ignore the suffering our government is causing. I’ve asked myself what else I can do. I’ve called family members and community members desperate for an outlet for the rage and grief burning in my heart. I’ve brought my grief to the river over and over again. I’ve compartmentalized to meet work deadlines, only to find the grief and rage waiting for me when I take my first deep breath of the day.

I’ve offered my creativity, courage, voice and devotion to trying to help end this genocide. I’ve organized and sang and spread zines and made lincuts and cyanotypes and made videos and calls and written letters and chalked walls and learned and attended events and protested. And the genocide still persists.

So on the last day of 2024, when my psyche showed me the desperate sorrow that’s underlined my year, I listened. I said, “You are what’s true right now.”

I cried.

We start this year with genocide.

May we end it without.